Guys, it is the middle of my work day. I’m sitting at home, working from home – because I can do that, you see – and I am so distracted and so bummed out. My body is aching, my head is pounding and I can’t shake a way-more-than-vague sense that I am just doing life all wrong.
…Not where I expected that first paragraph to end up, if I’m being honest with you.
And I guess I am being honest, huh? WORD VOMIT, ACTIVATE.
Depression is the weirdest thing, isn’t it? There are so many incredibly varying manifestations of it, so many different ways to experience it. I’ll never stop being totally blown away by this feeling of knowing that it’s here, knowing what it’s doing – and not being able to control it. How utterly bizarre to know that the reason my body aches, the reason I was just lying there in bed this morning, the reason I’m not in the mood to hang out with friends is this one thing – this one thing that tricks me into believing I’m someone else.
I don’t know who that “someone else” is, but Lord knows I don’t feel like me.
You’d think if I knew all of this, if I can feel it coming on and understand the effects, that I could just shake it off. I can’t shake it off. You can’t shake it off.
I want you to think of the longest string of expletives that you possibly can. Are you doing that? Awesome. Now attribute those words to me. Right here.
(Just make sure you’re saying them all angry-tired.)